The desire to be understood

*alarm sounds* it's 7am on a Monday morning. She gets out of bed. Takes a trip to the restroom across the hall. She stumbled back into her room, makes her bed and turn on the TV to find a YouTube video to watch. One that will hopefully put her in a good mood. When she finally finds a video she relaxes for a minute in her favorite, black chair in the middle of her dorm room. She opens up her planner, creates a goal for the day and puts the schedule for the day in her phone. By this point the YouTube video playing in the background isn't doing the trick so she types in "motivational videos" in the search bar, hoping to find that perfect video that will somehow change her entire perspective on life and make life great. That doesn't happen. She settles for her daily dose of Les Brown talking about how important it is to go after what you want in life. She checks the time. It's about 7:23. She gets up looks around the room to see what needs to be cleaned, straightens up a bit then goes back to her chair. By this time the YouTube videos are on a loop playing motivational video after motivational video. None of which are actually helping to change her mindset. It's just apart of her daily routine. At about 8:00 she grabs her breakfast, which is the same thing every morning; 2 boiled eggs and a pack of Belvita breakfast crackers. She sits down at her desk for a second to eat. A few seconds later she's back up preparing her things for the day. She puts her binder and planner in her book bag and zips it up. She grabs her lunch bag and starts to prepare her snacks for the long day ahead of her. She packs the same thing everyday. Apple slices with peanut butter, pretzels, grapes, and she cuts up lemons and cucumbers to put into her water bottle. Once she's done packing her bags it's about 8:30, she rushes to the shower. When she's done showering it takes forever to find something to wear. She almost always goes with jogging pants and some type of t-shirt she got from an event like 5 years ago and a hoodie. She goes over to the sink to brush her teeth and do her daily facial and realizes it's 9:20. She FaceTime's her mom (most days) and gives her a break down of her schedule for the day. At this point it's 9:45ish and she's rushing to finish up and last minute things she needs to do and grabs her stuff to head down to math class. She's usually in class at about 9:55. Class doesn't start until 10:10. She open up her planner and reviews her to-do list as she waits for class to start. Class begins. Math isn't her strong suit but it's not that the math is difficult she just finds it hard to focus. She struggles to pay attention the whole time while writing down her thoughts in her planner. Class ends at 11:30. She's flying out of class to head to the cafeteria. She grabs lunch, its usually something different everyday. Her next class isn't until 1:10. Sometimes she'll work on any homework she needs to catch up on before class. SOMETIMES. She heads to her 1:10 class at about 12:55. She scrolls through Facebook as she waits for class to start. She likes this class. It's called Fairytales in Fiction. She's pretty engaged in this class and she has a friend that she sits by every time. The only person that has actually talked to her so far today. After class, which ends at 3:00, she rushes down to the Advising Office for work. She's the Retention Communication Assistant. Fancy, right? Not really. (LOL). Work on Mondays is usually just emails and event preparation. Fun! Work ends at 5:00. After work she heads to the cafeteria for dinner cause she won't feel like going back later on. Dinner is usually pretty chill. She sits in the same spot every time. By the fire place in the comfy chairs. After dinner she's lucky if she has any energy for homework. It depends on how the day went she may just crash as soon as she lands back in her dorm room. That's usually what happens if I'm being honest. This same cycle repeats on Tuesday with two different classes but I'm done with classes at 4:00 and I don't go to work. On Wednesdays it's exactly the same as Monday. Thursday's are pretty much the same except I'm done with class at 4:00 and I work in the registrar's office after class. On Fridays I'm up early and in the Registrar's office at 8:30 for work. After work I never know what to do with myself. I usually turn on YouTube and do homework or I'll run errands if I need to. Saturday's are THE WORST. I do nothing. I run errands out of boredom and I attempt to complete homework assignments. UNLESS I have to work my other job. Which is usually from 8:30 - 3:30 on Saturday's. After that, I sleep. On Sunday's I go to church from 10:00am - 11:00am, I go back to campus eat lunch then I go to tutoring at 1:30. Then that's it. I do this all over again the next week. This is my life. I actually just realized that I went from saying "she" to "I". So I kind of have to tell you now. She is me, this is my everyday life as a college student. Not very exciting, very minimal human interaction and a lot of time alone to think. Don't get me wrong I enjoy my alone time. But it would be nice to have people around that I could enjoy life with. But for now this is my reality and I'm excepting it. I'm doing what I can everyday to try to create the life that I want and not settle for the life that I don't want. I believe I'll get there. I know it'll take time and patience. I've been searching for understanding for so long. I honestly think I just desire to be understood. I feel like my whole life I've been searching for a place to belong. I haven't quite found it yet, but I know I will some day. How I see myself is a reflection of how the world see's me. A better me is coming. Just wait, you'll see.